Questions to Help in Grieving

Questions to Help in Grieving 

Recently I learned of the passing of someone beloved to me for 56 years. I emerged from my first round of grief with these insights that might be helpful to others.

I say "friend" here but the reader can substitute any term that fits their situation. 

Am I helping my friend and myself express our love by giving my self, including my body, all the times and spaces needed to express and experience my grief until it naturally is reaching completion? 

What did I learn from who my friend was, and what did I learn from being in our relationship? 

How can I be a better person for having known my friend? 

 What do I sense my friend learned from who I am and what our relationship was? 

Can I see, acknowledge, and celebrate all the good that my friend brought to others in this world? 

Can I rejoice now that our love for each other added love to this world so much in need of love? 

If there wasn't closure, a chance to say goodbye with gratitudes and acknowledgments, can I create that now, speaking and knowing my friend is aware? 

If I need to write all the gratitudes and acknowledgments, for my own reference, will I do that? 

What do I most want my friend to know or understand, what was left unsaid? 

 What do I imagine my friend would say to me if we were saying goodbye now? 

 If there is some regret, if there is something in the relationship that I wish we had a chance to change, to resolve, to heal, can I imagine doing that now, and feel it is actually done? How could I achieve peace around the "incompletes" in our relationship, so my grieving can reach a natural minimum?

 Can I keep my heart open ongoingly to detect any pain I feel that's associated with our relationship and with my friend's passing, and seek ways to resolve that pain so that only peace and love remain, so that my feelings and memories are not creating any pain in the future? 

Can I write or review and gratefully appreciate and treasure all the little idiosyncratic things about my friend, and our relationship, that made my friend, and "us" uniquely precious in all of creation? 

What could I do to help my friend's contributions to the world continue to the greatest extent? 

What could I do to help others who share grief at my friend's passing? 

 Is there any fitting physical memorial I can create that feels as if it anchors my friend's presence in this world with love, that would help me remember and would be beautiful or uplifting to anyone who perceives it, even if they don't know why? 

By Rev. Alia Zara Aurami, Ph.D.

Head Minister, "Amplifying Divine Light in All" Church

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