Bright and Dim Levels of Chakras

BRIGHT AND DIM LEVELS OF CHAKRAS 

I believe it is dangerous and handicapping to say -- as many in the New Age movement do --  "We must learn to COME FROM our upper chakras, and no longer come from our lower chakras." That arises from a worldview which includes a split between mind and body. 

It is even more dangerous to try to LIVE that way, thinking it is "the spiritual way to live." If you are a spiritually-aware person and your life is not working well on the practical level, read on here and you might discover you have some illusions.

The chakras are like the engines of human-embodiment life, transformers stepping down the voltage of higher-vibrational energies into the lower-vibrational energies we need to live our embodied human lives. Like a prism, they break the white light of Divine Light/Life Energy into the colors of the most basic aspects of our functioning. We need every single one to be fully operational, for us to fully function in this life in this world as humans. Spiritual energies are not just located in the heart and higher chakras; spiritual energies are the actual energies of each and every chakra.

Thus, in this perspective, there is no directionality or progression of "holiness" FROM the lower TO the upper chakras. That fallacy of evolution or directionality underlies most of Tantric sexuality practices as well as lots of Eastern religious thought. Each chakra has its own purpose and its own energy that it transforms from higher dimensions to our dimension, and all are equally "spiritual." Each chakra has its own unique frequency which expresses and supports and is the activity of its purpose in our lives.

"No directionality or progression" does not mean there is not a flow of energy up or down the body from chakra to chakra; clearly there is, and in between as well. The flow of energy up and down the body among the chakras is good, the flow is healthful, the flow needs to be free in BOTH directions. That is simply healthy energybody functioning.

By  “no directionality or progression” I mean that the “higher” chakras are not automatically and universally more spiritual, better, more evolved, closer to God or to godliness. Nor are the lower chakras more “base,” or automatically darker, or less refined, less evolved or spiritual, or less godly. Any chakra can be more or less of any of these.

Thus in Tantra, when they talk about taking sexuality as an automatically “lower” vibration –- lower in every sense of the meaning –- and moving it up through the other chakras, refining, ”purifying” it til it reaches the “purest” crown chakra –- that to me is a very mistaken notion. Since each chakra can be its pure version or impure version, going “up” or “down” has nothing to do with purifying or impurifying energy from one chakra to another. 

That said, if we use the rainbow color metaphor for chakras, red is certainly a slower vibration than violet, and we normally associate slower vibrations with density, dimness, contractedness, negative emotions, and decreased consciousness, thus less of “godliness.” 

So there must be SOME kind of difference between lower and upper chakras, but I will have to say I have not yet concluded what that difference might be. 

However, each chakra definitely has its own higher/Light Side/Bright Level and lower/Dark Side/Dim Level vibrational levels of functioning. The bright level has more of the Light of life and existence functioning in us, through us, as us. We glow more with life. Our lives are more vivid, more alive; our lives work better. That's what "brighter" chakra levels do.  The “brighter” or more open or clear the chakra, the more of the Divine Being/Light/Love is flowing into and AS the activity/expression of that chakra in the world. "Dim" does not mean "less active;" it means less of the Divine Light/Love energy, just like a dimmer light bulb.

What has happened in the mind-body split is that the lower chakras are characterized as ONLY their dim/dark aspects or levels, and the upper chakras are characterized as ONLY their bright/light aspects or levels. This error, of course, wreaks havoc with our everyday lives and with our spiritual development.

So to say we "must come from our upper chakras and not our lower" opens the door for a life filled with terror, disempowerment, lack of will--a life that doesn't work in this world--and also opens the door for some "very bad" folks who are "coming from" the DARK levels of their upper chakras! Even to say "We must come from the heart" needs specification. Lots of people's hearts are not in a condition or vibrational level we would want THEM to be coming from!

Also, as long as one is alive, all chakras are indeed functioning, though perhaps not very brightly, and perhaps not in their highest vibrational expressions. It is incorrect to assume that people who are functioning with dim lower chakras have no functional upper chakras. Those are just dim, as well!!

There is a widespread nonacceptance of the true purpose, role, and power of the lower chakras. This results in many people not being fully embodied in this body, not fully accepting embodiment, their soul not fully occupying and operating the lower chakras, due to a falsity, an illusion, in the understanding of the nature of these chakras. This is quite handicapping to a good life, a full life.

Because for so long on this plane, the functioning of the lower chakras in humankind in general was even dimmer than the functioning of the heart and upper chakras, there is a widespread illusion now that this difference is intrinsic, that the upper and lower are inevitably incompatible, that there is no Bright or heart-full kind of functioning of the lower chakras nor is there any Dim functioning of the upper chakras. 

Nothing could be further from the Truth as I see it. In fact, human embodiments are evolving toward One Chakra, in which all chakras merge and function together as One, not just compatible, not just integrated! It's time to end the illusion of separation and embrace a life that includes the full functioning in full harmony, in full integration, of each and every chakra.

All this is an oversimplification of a complex subject. Below is almost the standard over-simplified list of chakras. There are many more chakras, smaller ones, located at various points all over the body, which I shall not discuss. Also I am not going to discuss how or why chakras get to be bright or dim, and I am not going to discuss the dimness being not only less amount of light but also distortions of light.

CHAKRA LOCATION, NAME, NUMBER	BRIGHT (HIGHER) LEVEL	DIM (LOWER) LEVEL
Tailbone Base First Chakra 1	A sense of living in a world where it is safe to be, and safe to be oneself; the sense of living in a benevolent universe conducive to one's survival and even wellbeing. Feeling one has the right to exist. Enjoying the physical external world, finding it workable, beautiful, and a source of delight and wonder. The sense of having a functional body. Exuberance. "Joy of life." A sense of flowing, of forward movement in life. Groundedness.	Terror, ultimate separateness, insecurity,  the sense of living in a malevolent universe. Feeling un-nourished, unsupplied, unsupported. Feeling one has no right to exist. Lack of acceptance of embodiment. The sense of living in an alien or hostile or unfriendly or unworkable world. Rejecting the physical external world. The sense of having a nonfunctional body, or impaired or diminished body. Severe depression. Experiences of starvation, poverty. Paralysis. Experiences of one disaster after another. Chronic diseases. Possibly allergies.
Perineum (not on most chakra charts)	Sexuality as a natural part of life, an expression of life energy, as an arena for caring and even for a spiritual path. Creativity of all kinds. Centeredness.	Sexuality as an arena for playing out dark aspects of other chakras: power games, seeking reassurance, etc. Sexuality disconnected from relationship with others. Sexuality as a life energy repressed and erupting in harmful or illness-producing ways. Lack of vitality.
Below navel Hara Second Chakra 2	Knowing one has the ability to do things and be effective in creating, carrying out or manifesting whatever one wills to do; personal empowerment, the sense one can be efficacious, successful. Unconditional joy. Life Energy Center.	Fear, powerlessness, helplessness, victim-identity. Fear of one's own power from past abuses of power. Frustration. Anger. Seeking "power over" others. Domination through actions. Living through others. Energy vampires. Depression. Feeling dominated. Avoidance of responsibility. Feeling overwhelmed. Life as effortful, struggle. Feeling blocked in life. Feeling defective, broken, deficient. Despair.
Solar Plexus Third Chakra 3	A sense of personal will. The ability to determine and know what one wants. Enthusiasm. Motivation. Self-determination. A healthy "ego." Knowing what is beneficial or harmful to self.	Drifting, being too influenced by others, codependency, alienation from self. Denial of own wants. A dry, "unjuicy" life. Merging into a cult or group and submission to their agenda. Lack of motivation. Living vicariously through children, grandchildren, etc. Not knowing what one wants, thus career-jumping. Putting others always first. Not paying attention to self.
Heart Fourth Chakra 4	Love, connection, caring, relating, belonging. The sense of loving life, the external world, and one's own body. Ability to embrace, to nurture, to protect. All the flavors of human love. Love as a state of Being, not just a human emotion: unconditional love.	Playing the martyr, neediness, emotional unavailability, sense of isolation or disconnection, emotional shielding or numbness. Hating life, the world, one's body. Feeling unworthy.
Throat Fifth Chakra 5	The sense of being safe to and able to express oneself, to communicate, to speak one's truth, to express and manifest what one wills. Talking.	Domination through expression (threats, intimidation) or silence: steamrollering and overriding others' expressions, or withdrawing into one's own world. Extremes of extroversion or introversion. Biting one's tongue. Resentment at self-inhibition of self- expression. Sneaky and indirect communications or expressions.
Forehead Brow Sixth Chakra 6	Wisdom, understanding, insight, mental functioning, knowledge. Ability to "see through another's eyes." Clairvoyance, clairaudience, inner knowing. Inner visions. Visions as plans. Telepathy. Full Listening, full apprehending, full perceiving, and full recognizing.	Psychic attack, black magic. Manipulating others by sleight-of-word and "snow jobs". Dazzling people by mental displays, using intelligence as a weapon. Rationalizing. Guilt. Repression. Judging self and others. Living in the mind, avoiding other levels of experience. Being too deliberate; lack of spontaneity. Control trips (different from power trips.) Mistaking the map for the territory. Righteousness. Feeling bad, wrong, or evil. Self-blame.
Back of head just above neck (not on most chakra charts)	Intuition, guidance from and merging with non-physical Beings such as Guides, channeling, spiritual healing done by full-body channeling of healing Entities	Psychic domination and manipulation of others. Initiation or experience of possession. Deliberate falsification of "reality" to manipulate someone. All the "evil shaman" stuff. (These can all involve the Sixth Chakra as well.)
Top of Head Crown Seventh Chakra 7	Connection with the higher dimensions, cosmic connection, identity as a Larger-than-human Self. Feeling integrated with all of existence. Ultimate "belonging," ultimate support. Ability to accept "what is" and yet be in Ultimate Creativity. Vast perspectives, a cosmic sense of inclusiveness, ability to embrace diversity and apparent paradoxes. Cosmic bliss. Unconditional peace.	Denial of any consciousness above the human mind. Fear of anything above the human mind. "Running on ego," and feeling alone, overwhelmed, exhausted, and terrified by total-responsibility for one's life in a world ultimately out of one's control.

Three important aspects of our functioning are not mentioned above because they are combinations:

Passion (sexual or as extreme enthusiasm/commitment) is probably a combination of perineal, navel, solar plexus, heart, and throat chakras.

Empathy is a combination of heart and forehead as well as probably navel (second) chakras. It is more than the ability to see through others' eyes, because it involves feeling through their hearts and bodies as well.

Compassion is also a combination of heart and forehead chakras. Compassion involves empathetic feeling combined with perspective. Possibly the crown chakra is also a necessary component of true compassion.

Some miscellaneous further thoughts:

I would like to add that sexuality as an expression of multi-dimensional Beingness, when actually integrated with "spirituality," is an all-chakra experience, not just one chakra, not even just the perineal chakra and/or second chakra combined with the heart chakra. 

I would also like to say a few more words about the One Chakra mentioned briefly above: as the veils of forgetfulness and illusion are removed from our consciousness and we move back into our natural state of God-realization, the various chakras begin to merge and blend, so that every function is performed all over the body, and cannot be distinctly associated with any particular body part or location. This is a very different experience, which each of us adapts to as part of our individual spiritual evolution.

The interconnectedness of chakras is promoted by their brightness, their healthiness. And interconnectedness, ease and openness of flow, is a healthy thing.

Open vs Closed Chakras

Many people regard a healthy chakra as “open” instead of, or in addition to, being “bright.” I have thought and sensed about that, and I think openness and closedness of a chakra is somewhat related to health, in this sense: a healthy chakra is flexible, can be opened or closed to any degree, with ease and freedom, depending on how appropriate the situation is. There are some situations in which one wants to keep one's energetic radiations/expressions pulled in, and others in which one wants them to radiate out to the max. The only problem is when a chakra gets STUCK open or closed. Does that make sense?

A stuck-open chakra leads to energy drains, lack of appropriate personal boundaries, weakness, ill health. A stuck-closed chakra leads with being withdrawn, ineffective, unpowerful, no empathy, and ill health. That's my impression, anyway.

One can see chakras as clear/blocked, and more or less active, and sometimes energy mostly inward or outward at the moment. These are all metaphors, as is Bright/Dim and open/closed. If a chakra is completely closed/blocked/inactive, I think, the person is not alive! These “engines” are all necessary to being alive. So it's really a matter of degree. 

There are circumstances in which it is not appropriate or optimal for a chakra to be operating in outward expression at full blast, and just as our eyes close sometimes, so the chakra decreases the energy of its expression outwardly, while maintaining its full “brightness” inwardly. This is not the same as becoming “dim” in the sense I mean it in this blog. Also closed does not mean “blocked.” 

Here's a very brief other kind of description of the main functions of each chakra. 

There are many many such descriptions, often very different from one another. These I have adapted from one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Jo Dunning.

These form answers to a series of questions about self and life, starting with the most basic which must be answered first. Each one can be answered only in terms of the answer to the previous one. Each chakra has a unique and valuable function in our lives. 

FIRST CHAKRA  “I am.”
Will I survive? Am I safe? Will my existence last? Will this embodiment continue to exist for awhile? Will my needs be met? Is the universe in which my embodiment exists friendly, or hostile, or in different to my existence?

SECOND CHAKRA  “I can.”
Now that I feel reasonably safe, do I have any ability to do anything? Do I have any influence on anything? Am I empowered to act and change and create?

THIRD CHAKRA  “I will.”
If I have the ability to do something, what do I want to do? What do I will?  What will or want or desire is being me, flowing through me, seeks expression as me?

FOURTH CHAKRA  “I connect.”
Where do others fit into my wanting and willing to do something? How do I take others into account? What is my relationship to others, as I can and I will? What is my feeling-connection to the Whole, as I can and I will?

FIFTH CHAKRA  “I express.”

Now that I am safe, and I can, and I will, and I relate in all that, how do I express my will, put it into manifestation? Do I express my abilities and my wants as separate or part of the Whole?

SIXTH CHAKRA   “I know.”
What wisdom or knowledge do I bring to bear to shape and influence and help choose my expression? How do I express what I know? Am I expressing blindly, or guided by what I know and by my wisdom, combined with the Larger Wisdom available to me? Do I “know” as separate, or as part of the Whole?

SEVENTH CHAKRA  “I AM.”
Am I separate from everything else, or am I – and all of my safety, my ability, my will, my relating, my expressing, and my knowing – in a vast context of which I am one expression and one part? Is my true and largest identity a part of the Whole. How do my safety, my ability, my relating, my expressing, and my knowing embody the Largest Self I AM?

The I AM of Chakra 7 returns to the I am of Chakra 1, but in more Wholeness, more Unity of the embodiment with the All. The I AM self-identity is more than, vaster than, the I am self-identity, but it includes the I am self-identity. Both are equally “true” and equally important.

If I could map this into the chart above, I would, but it seems a different way of looking at the chakras.

by Rev. Alia Aurami, Ph.D., Head Minister, Amplifying Divine Light in All Church

"Amplifying Divine Light in All" is a completely independent church fostering empowerment of people to co-create loving, thriving God-realized lives, and wellbeing for everyone, on a clean, peaceful Earth.

Our main religious purpose and mission is to amplify the Divine Light in everyone. When you read this article, you will agree or disagree with its various points, and then you will know more about what is true for you. Knowing more of your own Truth amplifies your Divine Light. Thus providing/presenting this article is one way for us to accomplish our purpose and mission. 

This article and our providing/presenting it are therefore a central and essential part of our exercise and practice of our religion. 

None of the contents herein are claimed as absolute truth. They represent one possible perspective which might prove useful for you.

All rights reserved under the Common Law. This means please respect our creatorship.

The Healing of Enneagram "One" - Part One

The Healing of Enneagram Point Number One (of Nine Points)

Key Concept: Perfectionism

Getting to the humor of: 

“My only mistake was to think I made a mistake.”  

Introduction

This blog entry pretty long, in two separate parts, but I believe some folks will find it helpful, which is my purpose for sharing it. If you never heard of the Enneagram, or don't know what a "One" is, you will probably understand the article quite well anyway. It's all described here.

Please do leave your comments and let's chat about this. Love to know what others' responses are!!!!

As always, this is my perspective, not universal Truth. Sentences might sound general, but I mean them to apply only to whomever they resonate with. I make no claim to know what's right or true for anyone else.  

This paper is based on my notes on (and extensive additions to) Dr. Michael J. Lincoln's notes from a class he attended by a famous teacher of the Enneagram, A.H. Almaas. I am a healing One, so this stuff was written to help myself. Perhaps it might help others. The additions are primarily from my own introspection, and a bit from three Enneagram workshops I have attended. I am a student, not an expert at all. 

My characterizations of the One are true of me but might not be true of all One’s. (I have been told there are three subtypes, and my subtype is the Survival-concerned.)  

This paper was written originally for myself alone, so it is in my own spiritual language/wording. If my words and language don't match yours, please translate, so you can get whatever benefit you might get from reading this, without getting hung up on whether your spirituality and mine are the same. This paper is offered to stimulate your own thinking on this subject, not to foster your agreement with anything in the paper.  

Nutshell 

“If I were God, I would not have created this this way!”

The Unhealed, Unawakened One  

“I am God and I created this exactly this way for a reason and purpose, (even if my human self can't remember what it was) not from error or oversight or ignorance or powerlessness.”

The Healed, Awakened One

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What is the identity of a Point One? 

In my belief system, when a soul goes into the illusion of separation from All That Is (which is a choice simply to have that experience,) then from within the illusion it requires an explanation as to why this separation has happened. This is because the soul remembers that things used to be otherwise from the way they are now, yet forgets that the difference results from a choice it made from its Divine Will, as not-separate from the One Will/One Being. 

(This forgetting is part of the deal, part of the package, part of the plan.) From within the illusion of separation, it concludes that something is amiss with it or with "God" (All That Is.) The Enneagram Point "One" concludes that It is bad/wrong/incorrect/mistaken somehow, and has to find the way to make itself right in order to get back into All That Is, or into God's good graces (to phrase it in separation language.) This is not necessarily a moral type of bad; it can be “wrong” in the sense of in error, or having made a mistake, or goofed somehow. 

But it’s deeper than just having made a goof or error: it’s the identity of being the kind of Being who always by nature will goof or make errors, that this is an inescapable consequence of who one is, in essence or nature. The One experiences itself as a Being who IS wrong/incorrect. That’s the kind of Being it IS, not just a Being who DOES wrong. Often the "wrong" or incorrect actions end up harming self or others. (Other possible conclusions resulting in different Point numbers in the Enneagram are: I am bad/evil/morally reprehensible, or I have been abandoned because God does not love me, or I am defective/broken and have to fix myself. Etc. There are at least 5 more beyond these.)  

Thus all of life for Point One is focused on finding the right way, doing the right thing, having the self and all that the self believes it controls, affects, or influences be PERFECT—and finding out what God's idea of "perfect" is, so that can be matched/achieved. I myself am more in the "I am incorrect" mindset than the "I am morally wrong" mindset.  

The Enneagram One can also be called The Judger. In my spiritual understanding, The Judger in all of us has a paradoxical role. It is yelling, screaming, calling attention to “There’s something wacky here. This is not THE TRUTH, not the true reality, this is some kind of illusion, it is not in line and in synch with the REALITY I remember, with the Reality I have come from, and with the other realities most of Creation occupies.” For that, we can be grateful. It spurs us to take some action, however misguided, so we do not stay content with pain and suffering.  

The other side of the paradox is that the Judger itself is operating within an even deeper illusion: that this imperfect illusion is somehow outside of God’s Will, God’s Creation, or God’s awareness, that this illusory reality is somehow an error, a mistake, ignorance, oversight, laziness, deliberate evil, or stupidity, or we’re in it because we got lost and went astray from God.  

Part of the healing and waking up is acknowledging that however yukky this reality seems, it is always, in every moment, and already, 100% God, God’s Will, and God’s Creation. It is a deliberately-designed experience for a purpose and reason. 

So while the Judger is even busy judging judging, The Judger and everything being judged are always already nothing but God’s experience. The Judger is calling attention to God’s Self-discovery that such yukky experiences are indeed creat-able! (A great deal more could be said about the value of this discovery of the magnificence of the power of Creation, but that's another paper.) 

So while it is calling attention to something wacky, it really doesn’t understand the full picture, and it operates within the illusion that something can be done and something must be done to fix the situation.  

I believe that being a One is not a set of beliefs, even of core beliefs. It is experienced as an identity and a reality; it is Who You Are. You are a healed One or an unhealed One, but for an entire transmigration, in my belief system, you are a One. A transmigration I believe to be a cycle of many lifetimes on many planets in many realities in many realms of Creation in which a portion of the Infinite Consciousness condenses into an identity—which stays the same through the whole transmigration, through many bodies and lifetimes—and explores certain characteristics or themes of the Infinite Being.  

The One, I believe, is an exploration of the characteristic of the Infinite Consciousness which we label as Divine Will. The exploration consists of trying to pretend, for awhile, that something Divine Will has willed is NOT the Divine’s Will, for purposes of discovering more about the characteristics and qualities of Divine Will—my Infinite Being-Self’s Will. The One’s valuable job is to label as much of its experience as possible as NOT MY WILL AS GOD-SELF, and experience the consequences of that illusion. 

It’s the Infinite Consciousness’s way of Self-exploration, Self-discovery, and Self-appreciation: at the end of the transmigration, the aspect of the Infinite Consciousness we might call Divine Will is far better known and far better appreciated than ever before—at least that’s the result as expressed in terms our time-bound minds can understand. 

One interesting corollary of my beliefs is that in a sense, everyone who is a One is the same aspect of Divine or Infinite Consciousness, with the same ultimate purpose. Far from being alone, we are like wavelets in a Group Soul ocean! 

In my spiritual understanding, because being a One is an identity and a reality far deeper than any particular embodiment, lifetime, or human self, nothing the human self can do in the way of therapy or “healing” can change its Oneness nor “heal” the entire Oneness. The cause, the will, the chooser or decider about what experiences will be had is not located within the embodiment. However, everything the embodiment does is the Will of the Larger Self; that is an extremely profoundly healing realization for any human One. 

So we continue to hack away at our false beliefs in our human minds, not because they are wrong or bad or in error (!) but simply because hacking away is what the Divine Will is choosing to do at the moment. The human One gets “healed” (which means its identity switches to Divine Will) when that particular One’s God-Self wills it to become that way, and not sooner. Free Will is a useful illusion in the process, but is in no way a cause of any change. Paradoxical, but for me anyway, a comforting understanding.

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 I want to repeat from above and summarize what I’ve just said: 

When a soul goes into the illusion of separation from All That Is (which is a choice simply to have that experience,) then from within the illusion it requires an explanation as to why this separation has happened, because the soul ...forgets [the] choice it made.....

The Enneagram Point "One" concludes that It is mistaken/incorrect/wrong somehow, and has to find the way to make itself right... it can be “wrong” in the sense of morally wrong, or in error, or having made a mistake, or goofed somehow.... a Being who IS wrong..., not just a Being who DOES wrong.

Thus all of life for Point One is focused on finding the right way, doing the right thing, having the self and all that the self believes it controls, affects, or influences be PERFECT.  

Therefore, the “cure” for a Point One is ultimately when the soul (notice: not the embodiment. The embodiment is not at cause) releases the illusion of separateness. Then nothing requires an explanation, because nothing has happened, and the soul knows all choices are and always have been made by it in Divine Will; it knows that Divine Will is The Chooser of everything all the time, even if the embodiment doesn't realize that.  

So because there is no separation, nothing is amiss. It was important for me in my healing to notice that the solution for a One is not to counteract “I am wrong” with “I am right.” That still operates within the illusion of separation and duality. The solution for a One is the realization that the illusory separate self is not a cause of the experienced (but illusory) separation. It is not a cause, and its experience is not a reality. So being right or wrong is a non-issue. 

The ultimate grounds for the healing of the One is to know that it was operating out of a falsity. That falsity is the experience of separation, which seems to require an explanation. That explanation would be an illusion, the illusion of "wrongness."

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Characteristics which flow from this identity which make up the life of an “unhealed” Point One  

1. Trying to fix self to compensate. Perfectionism often imposed by Mother.

2. Suppression, hiding, lying about, ignoring, denying, repressing, stuffing of all that is deemed imperfect in any way from anyone’s perspective, about the self. This results in massive giving away of power, and some codependency.  

3. Feeling constantly overwhelmed and invalidated. There is too much to be done to achieve perfection: too much to do, too little time, too little information, too much uncertainty, too few resources, too little health, energy, and stamina for the infinite task.  

4. Always looking for the rules and the Right Way. This pertains even to the minutiae of life, so it is actually operating every second of every day about every tiny aspect of life: Is it the Right Way it ought to be? Gets locked into “forms,” formats, ways, rigid structures of behavior. Obviously a control freak.  

5. Highly authoritarian. Sometimes is the person kowtowing to authority and sometimes IS the authority. 

6. Always referring to the past as a guide for the present. Not much interest in the future except to predict possible disasters/imperfections and to do whatever is conceivably possible (whether feasible, healthful, or friendly or not) to prevent them. 

7. A security freak. No interest in risk-taking, could do it wrong way. 

8. Hypercritical of self and others. Always blaming. Nothing is ever good enough. “I am in pain. I must be doing something wrong. It is possible to know what I am doing wrong, and do what is right, but I can’t seem to find out; it is impossible for me to know what I am doing wrong, and do what is right, so I must be doing something monumentally wrong, compared to the people who seem to be able to know, to fix things, and to stop suffering, and I don’t seem to be able to find out what that is, so.....” 

9. A fierce, unrelenting, unrealistic SuperEgo/conscience. Megalomaniacal in demands on and expectations of self, or so it seems to other people. In every moment blaming self, as in “I should have known better. Things are less than perfect now because I goofed and I should have known better, I could have known better, and I was oblivious or lazy, or.....” In other words, the One has delusion of grandeur about what he or she can possibly do! This is part of the Pride described below.  

10. Uptight. Rigid. Controlled. Tense. No flowingness, limited spontaneity. Not very flexible in plans or procedures.  

11. Feels the self's essence is bad, but the Ego is in "reaction-formation" and is always believing how good it is. Often a superficial sense of self-awareness combined with complete obliviousness to true deep subconscious motivations. The way the One sees self is often very different from the way others perceive that person.  

12. No joy, fun, pleasure. These are irrelevant at best, and they are bad and dangerous at worst. They are distractions from the task of being perfect, meeting all of self-imposed and other-imposed expectations, no matter how impossible. Fun, joy, and pleasure can lull one into a false sense of security, lead one into ignoring tasks or dangers, and can instantly plunge one into total disaster or death. (I should know, because I have died innumerable times in my past lives from carelessness, lack of caution, getting carried away by fun or exuberance or spontaneity, not playing it safe. Also of course I have died many times from ignorance, obliviousness, not knowing the best or right way. That’s the kind of experience the One illusions/beliefs create.)  

13. A deep self-distrust, manifesting or appearing in a variety of specific versions: distrust of one's intuition, of one's mind, or one's feelings, or of other people, or of any of various of one's abilities or characteristics. For me, it’s “I ought to have known better.” That operates in every circumstance experienced every second of every day. It also means I cannot trust myself to know or discern truth, which is highly sabotaging of life, growth, and spiritual evolution. Self-distrust also leads to inhibiting expressions of feelings, to suppressing of spontaneity, and to needing to control self.  

14. Lots of anger, bitterness, disgust, and resentment, smoldering or expressed. Or repressed, if too dangerous-seeming. The One is angry for a variety of reasons. One reason is resentment of the drudgery of having to monitor the self all the time. Another is resentment at being controlled all the time, even though it is the self which is controlling itself. This particular resentment can lead to occasional rebellious moments of being sloppy, free, spontaneous, and uninhibited. 

Because life is a self-fulfilling prophecy, these moments usually create a lot of trouble, get the person into trouble, so these rebellious moments are always followed by guilt, even by terror.  

Another source of anger is resentment of and bitterness toward other people because they seem to “get away with” a carefree and sloppy, imperfect life which the One cannot permit himself or herself. This is related to the very natural and healthy anger of a human being deprived of fun, joy, and pleasure in life, and also being deprived of personal authenticity. In other words, the One is also angry at having to “stuff” or suppress or repress his or her natural and true feelings, thoughts, impulses, in deference to whatever feelings, thoughts, and impulses are “right.”  

Also the One blames and is angry and disgusted with self for failing to achieve perfection, and even though it seems contradictory part of the One is also angry at being asked to be impossibly perfect, for feeling like the victim of a slavedriver with an infinite task. Oh, the One has many sources of anger!  

15. A driving compulsive need to fix everything and everyone who comes into their life. This is rationalized as a reasonable desire to be helpful to others, which is quite approved by our society. Rescuer to all. The One can’t tolerate others’ making their own mistakes, having their own experiences, if the One can see how they could and should be healed, fixed, improved. 

Pride in ability to know what others need, and what others ought to be like. Can’t stand being around someone who is suffering without trying to help them out of it. Annoyed with people who will not accept help or don’t want to “get better.” One thinks improving the world is up to them. Always proud of healing, helping, teaching, fixing, whether the person wanted it or not. 

Even while complaining of the suffering or pain they are experiencing in their attempts to improve others, they are experiencing a deep and possibly subconscious sense of satisfaction and pride in this suffering and pain as a badge of their commitment to being a Fixer.  

16. Alone. The One feels alone in at least three ways: Alone in my iniquity, my goof, my error, my wrongness; “I am the only soul who is like this.” Alone in my desire to change/improve the world. And alone because there is no one who can help me, reach me, nurture me. One’s often also feel alone in that no one can advise or teach them, because they are know-it-all’s who know best how things should be.  

17. Not only are One’s know-it-all authoritarians, but they have the Deadly Sin version of Pride: “I know better than the GodCreator how things should be.” This necessarily follows from believing that things should be other than what they are! This also goes along with the pride in “I could have known better” and the other megalomaniacal (unrealistically prideful) expectations and demands on the Self.  

18. In my case, there was a profound, pervasive, cellular-level shame or embarrassment from the sense of myself as having made a goof, an error, a mistake. This was as deep as, or even deeper than, any fearfulness, any self-distrust, any anger, or any pain. It was the kind of embarrassment which makes a person blush.  

19. A constant sense of oppression, from the every-second sense that "I am not doing the Right Thing." Remember those quiz shows on TV years ago, where a buzzer sounds if the contestant gives a wrong answer? In a One, the buzzer never stops. Never. Not for one second each day. There was no moment in which some part of me was not saying I was doing, thinking, saying, or feeling something that was wrong/erroneous somehow, in some way. The day I had that insight, I cried with self-compassion for the unrelenting oppression, pressure, sense of being beaten down, this constant buzzer-in-the-head brings. What a way to try to live!  

20. Resistance to help and to "miraculous" healing. Wow, was this a big discovery late in the game. The resistance comes from the following erroneous belief: If someone helps me, or if I achieve something through Divine Grace, then I don't get any "Brownie Points" with God to help end this separation that occurred because I did something the wrong way, because I still haven't done "it" the right way. This resistance, by a twisted logic, even pertains to my actual healing, which is therefore mightily resisted, prevented, not allowed. The unhealed One mind predicts: Whatever happens might happen because my helper "did it," or because Divine Grace/Power did it, so I wouldn't have "done it right," and therefore I won't have finally "done it right myself" and therefore I either won't get the healing or I won't deserve the healing. This twisted logic and resistance are subtle, and their discovery was a breakthrough. 

21. A pervasive and life-eroding constant sense of dissatisfaction, of discontent. Things might be good, or rarely "just right," but basically everything is in a state and condition of "It ought not to be the way it is," as a 24/7 every-second experience of every "it" in my awareness. This sense, this experience, is exhausting. And it precludes feeling at home in life or in the Universe.  

22. The flip side of "It ought not to be the way it is" is also a constant experience: "It ought to be this other way instead." (And I am solely responsible for making it to be this other way. This is true for every "it" in my experience or awareness.) This creates need, pressure, and extreme inauthenticity. This too is a life-eroding constant state every second of every day and night. It precludes "Being in the Now."

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continued in Part Two

by Rev. Alia Zara Aurami-Sou, Ph.D., Head Minister, "Amplifying Divine Light in All" Church

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